Accountability

It seems like every time I come back to this corner of the inter webs, all I'm able to do it apologize for not being here and recounting my unhappiness with falling off the fitness wagon. I suppose this time is no different, with the exception that I'm finishing up week 2 of this run of Insanity and plan on posting visual updates (I created a bullet point/ flowchart/ motivational notebook / mumbo-jumbo art book) to keep myself accountable, outside of my facebook posts of my workout results.

Cheers to your weekend.

Why Hello There...

So I just so happened upon this blog today, while cleaning up some things on my Facebook profile.

I had completely forgotten about it, and was like, "I have a blog...?" XD

Looking at the years, quite some time has passed, and things are very different. I suppose now is a good as time as any to pick this back up. I intend to keep this blog as a fitness/workout/weigh loss motivational space for myself - and any one else who wants to read.

Truth be told, I have fallen off the workout bandwagon. And I was on a roll, let me tell you!

I lost 50+ pounds, and now - more than 4 years later, I have gained it ALL back and then some, probably. My fight to get enthused with exercise was slow and unfulfilling for a while. I tried a new program here and there for a few days, before I gave up. I didn't want to wake up that early to workout, or I didn't have time after work, or my work was too stressful, blah blah blah - excuses, excuses. I ordered many a program, and went to an all-womens gym the beginning of the year, but I was in a slump. Still am, kinda. One day, I realized I just didn't like feeling the way I was feeling all the time. Unhappy. Tired. And somewhat anxious for no reason.

Today (Saturday) will mark the end of the first week of Month #2 of my fitness journey, courtesy of Insanity:MAX 30. When I first moved to Maryland, I bought an old copy of the original Insanity from an Ebay action. My sister and her friend tried the workouts in her basement (her friends) for 3 days, and then we gave up.

And I decided I needed to give myself a start date to take the program seriously and stick with it. That year, I completed the Insanity Program multiple times, did crazy meal prep, tracked crazy calories, and consequently, started what would be the beginning of my time as a vegetarian for about 1.5 years.

I really was in very fit "state" if you will - but I could never see it. I never thought I was small enough, I was afraid missing one day of working out was going to undo all of my hard work... then I missed the first day, and then two days in a row... and then I moved apartments, and days turned into weeks of exercise-free stints.

It seemed like overnight, I looked in the mirror and I realized I was not the strong, fit person I once was. I did not like the person I saw in the mirror. I was angry with her for letting herself go, after all that hard work. And I know it wasn't overnight. And I know, despite what people say about "enablers" in our lives, the only person to blame for my slipping back is myself.

So - here we are. I'm ready to get back to it. Once I finish my first run of Insanity:MAX 30, I plan on taking my round 1 "after" pictures, and starting the program over again - and maybe starting a new program, but we will see. So far, I've been working on just committing to workout on the days I'm supposed to and not completely unravelling if I miss a day. And since this is the beginning of Month #2, I'm pretty happy with myself for sticking with it. I feel like this is how habits start. :)

In any case, I will try to post weekly updates to help keep myself accountable.

Cheers!

let's get this party started...!

Macbook is still dead. Just mini posts from my phone, I guess. I have restarted original INSANITY to finish off 2012 & get my ass back on track. :) Me & two other friends are helping one another stay accountable. We have googledocs for all the workout days & we must initial each day after we complete a workout!              Today is day 8! Had to double up since I missed a workout this weekend. BUT! Here goes it. :) My only concern is making up workouts when I get my wisdom teeth removed later this month...but I reckon I'lll cross that bridge when I get to it...Well, wish me luck! :D

there once was life, but now it has ceased to be...a m

I know I've been slacking guys. But my macbooks battery is on the verge of exploding, so i am makking this post from my phone. More updates when I get it working again T_T

Just Do It.

This is actually my phone's background image. Because they are simple words to live by.

Day #16 & 17 = Crazy, I know

Why double workouts? Because this girl is crazy  <--------

No, actually I have a prior engagement after work tomorrow, so I will probably get home really late and not want to have anything to do with Asylum. So, I figured instead of skipping a day (or waking up early, because I like my sleeps....) I would just double up my workouts tonight & pick back up on schedule with Saturday.

This is not something I recommend to everyone. Double workouts are really draining, but hey - I figure what doesn't kill me, can only make me stronger! 

It was Vertical Plyo (a crazy intense jumping workout...) and Strength today. 

And let me just  say that "Strength" is by far (except maybe Game Day) my favorite workout from the Asylum arsenal. I feel my heart rate pick up early on in the warm up with the halo dead lifts and I'm literally dripping in sweat not even 10 full minutes in. 

Also. 

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before- but I've become more aware of what my body is trying to tell me daily. I'm not sure if I'm wanting something, whether it's a craving I'm used to having, or if my body is actually lacking something essential. For instance, last night after I posted - I was hungry. And while I am aware that it is good practice to go to bed a little hungry, having eaten your last meal atleast 3 hours before you go to sleep, I could not for the life of me shake this aching want for food. 

I tried. I will tell you, I did try. I tossed and turned for about 3 hours last night/this morning, thinking eventually I would fall asleep and my hunger would subside. Unfortunately, it did not. In fact, I eventually gave in (I told you how I went to Panera yesterday, well I had an apple left over that I didn't eat in my purse) and I ate that apple. I ate the mess outta that apple. And it was the most wonderous 80 calories my body had ever experienced at that time. 

And immediately after, I fell right to sleep. 

So maybe I need more practice at trying to figure out what my body needs versus what I think it just may have a temporary want for. : / I'm sure I will get better at it with time. 

In any case, I had an extremely late night tonight. A friend actually joined me for my second workout. And I've only just now gotten to shower and hop into bed & begin posting this!

(I should be sleeping) I have work in the morning, but I said I would post every day! So, here it is. 

I may look into getting some kind of gloves for working out with. I've got some raw spots on my hands from gripping my tiny dumb bells to tightly tonight...

Also. Since I'm holding myself accountable, I totally cheated today. Hardcore. Work bought us lunch today, and I have a hard time saying no to free food. It was chick-fil-a too.... and we all know how bad those people who make that chicken are....

Oh you silly ecards...

I ate 4 hate-flavored chicken tenders that I actually cut up and threw on top of my spicy tuna salad, figured I could use the extra protein. And I have 1/2 a veggie wrap with honey mustard. I also have about  8 pieces of chicken nuggets with a packet of blue cheese dressing.... T_T

Yeah, I told you I cheated hardcore. Thanks to the nifty nutrition calculator that is available on virtually every fast food place's website - I calculated that I roughly ate about 950 calories for LUNCH alone. :(

As much as I'd like to pretend I can cut that up into two different meals and eat them 4 hours apart, that was not the case. So, I suppose in the morning I will see the damages from my inability to make simple decisions and fucking stick with them...

Speaking of which, the more I post here, the more I realize just how wimpy I seem. That I couldn't even go a day without resisting some silly chickens or chocolates.... (Which by the way, today I had none) Small victories, I suppose.

And it brings into perspective- if I'm willing to push my body to its limits with these workouts, shouldn't I - at the VERY least be putting good food in it, to help fuel it and make it better for said workouts? I need to stick to my diet, damn it. Oh! Before I forget, this morning the magical mythical scale read : 175.4 lbs. 

Mind you, I weight myself everyday at the same time in the morning, usually right after I wake up..

So let's recap, shall we?

Mon - 180.8

Tues - 178.0

Wed - 177.2

Thurs - 175.4

It seems to be a steady decline. But we will see how badly I screwed up with my infatuation with chicken free of cost for lunch today. (Or yesterday, I suppose)

I know it's late, but this totally counts as Thursday's post. :)

Well, that's all folks. I really need the sleep, since I work around 9:30 in the AM, and it is steadily approaching the 4 o' clock hour. But it was a good night, I stayed up late talking with a good friend. So, time well spent. 

<3 Cheers!

Wednesday = Hump Day! *Pelvic Thrusts*

Today is Wednesday. Which means it's hump day. So, the week is almost over. :)

It's also Day #15 of ASYLUM. 

Note all the HUGE pink dots mark the days where workouts have been completed successfully. :)

We're basically half way there.

To think, earlier this evening I was thinking 'But I don't really want to work out today.....'

Truth.

So with my workout today, I was feeling pretty beat. Now I'm conflicted as to whether it's because my muscles are just sore & need to push through it, or if I'm feeling lethargic because I'm not giving myself enough daily calories to get through these workouts. 

Also, weight this morning was: 177.2 lbs.

Not great, but not horrible. And that number isn't going up, so I'm fairly pleased. 

I had a cliff bar between breakfast and lunch today. I also had more chocolate from the front desk. I'm beginning to wonder if my craving for sweets is because I'm lacking sugar in my diet, or because I'm used to eating sweet crap? And for dinner, I went to Panera with a friend from work. I got a Pick 2 combo with half a chicken salad sandwich and a greek side salad; which according to the nutrition calculator on the website was roughly 530 calories. 

I left my second avocado tuna salad in the fridge at work to have for lunch tomorrow. With the diet foods for the next week or so being hella cheap, I'm excited about buying groceries. Next time I will post my list and my total for my foodies for next week, because Friday = Payday! :) :) :)

I also came across this blog in my travels: http://rabbitfoodformybunnyteeth.com/

She has an interesting approach to food & the recipes in it seem fabulous. Maybe when I'm done with this 14-day meal plan, I will explore what her blog has to offer. I suggest you check it out, because it looks like good stuff. 

Ok, so back to the workout. I didn't feel quite like I was giving 110%, it felt more like 70-80%. And I could not for the life of me shake the dreary, almost sleepy feeling I had near the later half of my day. Oh well. I will just have to do better tomorrow. 

So let's share some weightloss/fitness goals. My next goal weight is 165 (see photo below) And after that, I'm aiming for something in the 150s. I would be content with a body fat % range of 14-18. (Thanks for the info, Lauren!) In fact, at my next doctor's appointment I'm going to ask if they can do that sort of analysis for me or not. 

MOTIVATION!

Motivational Wall. I literally wake up and see this first thing in the morning. 

Followed by.....Breakfast!

I also start every morning off with Shakeology, by far the most amazing thing I have every sipped out of a glass. My favorite recipe calls for 1 Tbsp peanut butter and a frozen banana. *drools*

Post-workout glamor shot.

I snapped this today right after my workout, as I was contemplating taking a shower. While I did toy with the idea of taking half-naked "progress" shots every day, I've opted for every 15 days. So the first you will see will probably be at the end of this round of ASYLUM. But fear not, for while it will be Day #30 of the program & the first progress photo, it will also be Day #1, as I plan to repeat the program and the meal plan! There may or may not be a recovery week inbetween. 

On a side note, I'm notorious for pushing my body so far past it's limits as a means to better myself in conjunction with cutting calories like crazy, that I'll hit starvation mode & I won't see ANY progress. 

I'm trying to be more aware of that & avoiding it at all costs this time around. 

I'm trying to take this to heart. I know that people talk. And that most of it is heresay and downright bull shit. However, I was never in a position that I felt my name would be compromised by any of it until recently...and at work of all places. 

It reminds me of what my Speech professor in college once said.

"The only thing that is truly yours is your good name."

So while you may want to be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil thinks, " Oh no, she's up..." More importantly, one should want to be the kind of person that when people start spreading rumors, that when your name is mentioned- immediately people think, "There's no way that can be true."

So I'm letting it alone. If it festers, it will be on its own account with the other people involved. I'm going to pour my everything into trying to better myself in the meantime. I have a post-it note on my desk that reads:

NO MORE:

Alcohol

Cigarettes

Dairy

This weekend will be something of a challenge with the alcohol. I have already agreed to have a drink with some friends Friday after work, but nothing "crazy." Maybe just a shot of gin or vodka (as they have the fewest amount of calories per serving) There is also Artscape, which apparently, I must attend at least once if I am a resident of Maryland. So. I will try to resist temptation of the alcoholic beverage kind. 

And this Saturday there is a going-away party at my sisters I am obligated to attend. There will be mounds of home-cooked goodies, so WILLPOWAH will get me through this weekend, damn it. If not,   I might ask some of my RL friends to text me all weekend to keep my on track with my diet! :)

I want to do this one day. There's also a crazy awesome yoga video I will share as soon as I remember to hunt it down for your viewing pleasure.

Just Remember....

Day #3 has come and gone! :) It's time for sleep. And I will constantly run through my head that it's only hard if you quit and have to restart. So. No Quitting.

Cheers!

<3