I want to be pretty too...

So this is the skinny:

I, like most people peruse Pinterest and similar sites for inspiration, or merely out of boredom. More often than not, I find myself posting a million photos of rock-hard abs, women running, and inspirational motivating verses. 

Which, don't get me wrong - is a great way to pass the time. 

I often come across post/pins of amazing "Before & After" stories and the people behind them. 

They are amazing people with wonderful transformation stories behind them. There are always a  slew of "before" photos, followed with a page on where they started and ultimately ending with they're *fabulous* "after" pictures. 

Perhaps my timing is very off on most every occasion; but I can never seem to find a blog (or whatever it is the kids are calling it these days) that is in the *middle* of this amazing body transformation. I want to see the "during" photos, day by day, step by step, and the proof of the struggle that happened between the start and the ending point. 

I want to know that these people struggled each day to work out and commit themselves to getting better versions of themselves. I want to know that continuing to workout and eat clean day in and day out, even if you see little to no change each day is something that is a struggle for people other than myself. I want to know that these people didn't just wake up one morning and were miraculously fit & fabulous!

So.

I finally got off my lazy ass and decided to start my own journey and document it. I understand this might take a little background information for any of this to have any kind of meaning. It's okay. If you've got the time, trust me, I'm not a shy person. 

Background....

Let's start with the whole "I've always been a big girl, even as a young child," which - as cliche as it sounds, is completely true! I was one of 4 children. My sisters were well endowed up top, great figures, and grew up as very attractive young ladies. My brother, being the only boy, was the apple of my father's eye - but also lean. Christina, however, received all the awkward fat genes from her father's side. (Don't worry, I'll post embarrassing baby photos to ensure the truth is out there)

I secretly told myself I was proof that God indeed, had a sense of humor! :) Tiny boobs, wide child-bearing hips, and an audacious personality that lead me to be the most inappropriate in public situations. 

In any case, after a 6 year long relationship that lasted from the time I was 14 (and a freshman in highschool) until the time I was a 20 year-old sophomore in college, I found myself cheated on, single, and completely unhappy with myself. When you get to that "comfortable" stage in a relationship, you'd be surprised just how far you let yourself go. I want to say in that time I was in that relationship, I gained about 70 some odd pounds. In highschool, the smallest I remember being was about 160-170 pounds. Which, I know doesn't sound "small," but when you're pushing 220+ in college, let me tell you - 180 looks like an unattainable dream. 

Let's share a fat moment! This is me and a friend of mine in college (I'm on the left) Who knows what I weighed at the time, but I was fat and unhappy. I know at some point in college, I decided to weight myself and as it turns out, I was pushing 240+ 

Scary, huh? I'm only 5'6, but even so - that weight didn't quite have enough room to be spread evenly without looking awkward as all hell. :P

Let's share some more awkward fat college photos, shall we?

Definitely pushing 240+ here. It was a formal for marching band (ah, the truth comes out, I was a marching band nerd for most of highschool and college) I still have this dress, and one day I'd like to take my final "after" photo in it. :)

In any case.

My weightloss/fitness journey started when a group of friends in college (which I affectionately referred to as "English Major Household" the men in the house anyway) decided to try a round of P90X. After about a week or so, the girls in the house decided to start their own workout program and started their own round of Power 90, the predecessor to the infamous in-home fitness training program. 

Seeing as how these were people I was comfortable with, I asked if I could join in on their fitness journey. They kindly obliged. Myself and the girl pictured in the first photograph decided to start with English Majors and kick Power 90 program in the ass! My friend lasted one workout. The rest of us kept it going about a month or so, before one of the guys in the P90X group had some back injuries that stopped him from continuing with the program. 

Oddly enough, when my friends boyfriend could no longer workout, our entire group fell apart. 

I workout out by myself from then on, with the new inspiration to strive for better for myself. :) 

I hit the gym hard core. For every night I went out drinking with my roommate, I told myself I had to spend atleast an hour in the gym. For every hour I raided (Yes, I played World of Warcraft in college, as well) I told myself I needed to spend atleast one hour in the gym. 

It was a pretty good system that I used to keep myself in check with not being lazy. And more or less "earning" to do things I wanted by paying for it with hours in the gym. I was doing really well and got myself down to right around 200 lbs. 

Then...

Then for some strange reason, with my newfound confidence at having lost a good bit of weight through the sheer stubbornness of not letting my body leave the gym until it had earned that right; I started dating someone. 

More or less, the 8 months or so I spent dating this guy were a learning and a growing experience. My first relationship after my 6-year long mess. I got comfortable again. I stopped working out. I kept eating like crap. Oh, and this guy cooked and hated exercising. So...

Unfortunately for me, I would up at around 230 by the time I graduated college. One step forward, and 10 steps back, it seems. 

In any case, I got my degree, that relationship ended, and then I moved to Maryland to be with my sister. I was unemployed until about October after I graduated (in May). Late one night, I was watching an infomercial for fitness programs. I saw P90X and was reminded of my friends in college. Then I saw a new program I had never seen before: INSANITY.

I joked with my sister that I should buy it for us. She said if I did, she would do the program with me. So, I hopped onto Ebay and bought myself a set of these crazy workout dvds. We started with one of her friends in the basement one weekend. We got 3 days into it before we all called a quits.

It was not until 2 or so many months later, when I really took a good look at myself during Christmas, that I realized just how unhappy I was with my physical appearance....

I am on the far right. My sisters and their children are to the right of me. It was this photo that made me realize that if I ever wanted to see a change, I would actually have to *do* something about it. Here began my New Year's Resolution for 2011. I was going to lose weight and get fit, damn it. And INSANITY was going to get me there. 

New Year's Resolution Time. Jan 2011.

Still Jan 2011.

April 2011, trip to NYC with the ex of 6 years.

Some time around May 2011. There may be some changes, I'm not sure. I never really tracked my weightloss like I should have....

June-ish 2011. Finally, I can see some kind of results! :) I went hiking in Tennessee for the first time with a friend of mine from work. 

July 2011, I was feeling confident & decided to pose in my one piece. 

October 2011 - Halloween. Does this shirt look familiar?

December 2011. Beginning of the year start weight: 228. By December I was down to 174

By the middle of January 2012, I was around 171 (right on the cusp of getting out of the 170s!!!) just in time for my work Holiday Party. 

Sadly. It is now July 2012 & my weight has gone up the 178-180-ish range. :( 

Which brings me to why I started this blog.

I need to keep myself accountable. I have a support group through the beachbody website, and on facebook, where I can talk about what I'm doing, about my workouts, my struggles, etc. But somehow, I just lost most of my motivation and my ultimate driving force behind what I was doing...

My body is getting more fit, and "better," but I'm just not where I need to be yet. I started and stopped my normal workout programs. I got bored. I started drinking more in excess (and alcohol has SO MANY wasted calories!) I slept with a few guys randomly and got my head all in a tizzy and stressed about ridiculous things that have little to no meaning. 

I lost myself, essentially. 

So...

Here I am now. I'm making this blog as a means to keep myself accountable to myself. Each and every day that I work out, I will post in this blog to mark my progress and my struggles and my every day thoughts with the whole process. :)

If you would like to follow and perhaps comment with your own struggles, I am more than willing to listen and perhaps offer some kind of support? :)

Well. That's all I've got folks. 

Until tomorrow. Then we'll get into specifics with the workouts and what day in the workout calendar I'm on!

Cheers!

<3 Christina